Thought Of The Day 1 Reason Discussions Turn Into Arguments By BK Shivani
Thought Of The Day 1 Reason Discussions Turn Into Arguments By BK Shivani To change your own Sanskar If you just keep saying to yourself Don’t get angry, it’s not good for you. Do not get scared, it’s not healthy for you … Don’t think about other people, it’s not the right thing to do … With this kind of talking, can your Sanskar change? No, it does not.What do we need in order to change our Sanskar?We don’t need advice in our to change our Sanskar. We already know what is right.If a child gets scared easily, she already knows it is not right for him.What does he say? He says – I don’t know why, but I get scared.If you just tell him not to get scared, will it work?Suppose you say you get angry, and the other person tells you not to get angry.You say – But what can I do? Anger just comes.Sanskars cannot change just by someone asking us to change them.Business need to have an aim for ourselves, our family, for colleagues, and for everyone elseWhatever is their emotional state, we need to lift them up from that state.
The stronger a soul becomes emotionally That soul will start releasing all such weak Sanskars.But the more we criticize or compare the soul with others The more we are discharging their soul battery instead of charging it.The first attention is not to become instrumental in discharging anyone’s soul battery.Which means we should never criticize a soul or compare them with anyone else.When we don’t criticize, reject, or ridicule that soulThen what we are doing is, we are accepting that soul.We will say – I understand you have this Sanskar.I understand you have had a certain experience Because of which you have carried this Sanskar.Today if we look at the things happening in the worldSomeone is leaving the body in an accident, all of a sudden.Someone is leaving the body due to illness. Someone is leaving the body at a young age.And we know what is happening with young girls.It is all these souls who come as our children into our families.It is the souls of today’s world who are born as our children.Some souls have depression. Today 1 in every 4 people have depression.When that is the case, if one such soul has left the body and has come as our child.How can that child’s emotional state be strong?Let’s remember that only the physical costume is changed in each birth.But the personality of the soul remains exactly the same. The soul left the body there and has entered here.When you came for the program yesterday morning, your dress was different.Today morning your dress is different.But you are the same person, isn’t it?Likewise when we leave the body, the personality of the soul remains the same even after entering a new body.If we criticize our children We will make them weaker than their existing state.This is true for everyone and not just for children.Now let’s accept people instead of criticizing them.Have you understood me that my opinion (in the example of flowers) can be different from yours.It took you some effort but you still accepted.
Can you do that everyday with everyone? Will you do it from today? Yes.The moment you do it, you give me respect.It’s very important. The moment you accept that my Sanskar is different from yours You respected me.You gave me the feeling of belongingness. But if you had said – You are wrong. How could you not like flowers which we all liked?It means you rejected me.And the moment you ask me – How can you not like this flowers?I will immediately reply – I cannot understand what is there for me to like in them.This is what happens.If you reject me, I will reject you.The moment two people reject each otherWe drift away from each other.Despite living in the same house, we get emotionally quite distanced from each other. Because we reject each other’s Sanskars.From today we need to accept each and every Sanskar of each and every soul.Unless we accept people, we cannot help them to change themselves.If you reject me, I become emotionally low.If you accept me, I become emotionally empowered.Only when I am emotionally strong, I can change myself.Someone who is emotionally weak cannot change his Sanskar.If we want to change one Sanskar in anyone Let’s say someone in your house has the habit of getting angry.And we want their Sanskar to change.Throughout the day what do we think speak and describe about them?We say – He gets so angry.And each time he gets angry, we advise – Stop getting so angry. Be peaceful.So to which Sanskar is everyone giving energy?We are giving energy to a Sanskar that we want to finish.Suppose we have two plants here.And we want to finish one of them and grow the other.Suppose we cannot uproot that plant which we want to finish, what’s the simplest method?Which ever plant you want to grow, you water it. And which ever plant you want to finish, stop watering it.Within 10 days that plant will get finished.Similarly water the Sanskar which you want to grow.But which Sanskar are we watering throughout the day? The one we want to finish.All of us collectively water that Sanskar and then say – Day by day his anger is increasing.Wherever energy goes, that thing will grow.Does that person get angry throughout the day? No.Does he cross at least once in a day peacefully? Yes.Have we appreciated in at that time?Suppose there were 10 situations today. He got angry nine times, but remained peaceful ones.So we scolded him those 9 times for getting angryBut when he was peaceful in that one situation, did we appreciate him? No.Which means we did not water the Sanskar of peace in him. Then how will that Sanskar grow?And the Sanskar of anger which we wanted finished, we kept giving it water by thinking and talking about it.If we had appreciated him for crossing that one situation peacefully We would have shown him his own potential.If we had said – You crossed that scene so beautifully, and remained so peaceful today.Even I could not have remained so calm. What you did was wonderful.
This means you watered his Sanskar of peace.And ignore the other nine times when he got angry.Tomorrow the 9 will reduce to 8 … And then 8 will come down to 7 times.Provided we co-operate.And provided that looking at his Sanskar of anger, our plant of anger should not grow.Because that happens isn’t it? We lose control over ourselves.So first of all, every soul needs to be accepted.Every soul has carried its Sanskars.As I told you, white is the right colour. It is true.But what is true? White is the right colour for me.That is true.But we excluded “for me.”And we said white is the right colour. And then we believed white is the only right colour.When we say white is the only right colour, it means all other colours are wrong.So I start thinking about you – How can they wear black, yellow, blue, and green?This is the energy we radiate to each other.We question – How can they do like this? How can they speak like that?They can do and speak that way, because it is their Sanskar.What should we do in order to accept someone’s Sanskar?Do any of you live near an airport or railway station?Where you hear a lot of noise of the planes and trains?Do you find it problematic, especially at night?Initially you found difficult but later on it was fine?What was the difference between earlier and later?You accepted the noise.Few days ago I met someone who said – Whenever I sit for pooja or meditation My wife calls up her sister at the same moment. So I get angry.So instead of pooja, an argument begins.While we were talking this in their house, it was time for pooja.Just then a vegetable vendor passed by their apartment, shouting out names of vegetables quite loudly.So I asked – This vegetable vendor is also quite loud. Don’t you get disturbed by his voice while doing Pooja at this time?She said – Yes it does.I asked – Then?He replied – That person is a vegetable vendor, so he will be loud.I said – You are right. Being a vegetable vendor he will shout out loud. But don’t you get angry?That brother replied – Why should I get angry at him? He has to sell his vegetables and therefore he is loud.Which means he accepted the voice of that vegetable vendor.But he wanted his wife to be according to his way.Which means he had certain expectations from his wife.On a sheet of paper, make two columns – Expect and Accept.Whatever you write under Expect, gradually move them to the second column of Accept.It is simple and only takes one thought to shift.For example, when someone’s phone rings in a hall like this, everyone starts staring at that person.During meditation, there is a music played in the background. About that music we say – The background music that played during meditation was so soothing.The fact is that when someone’s phone rings, that ringtone is also soothing.What do we do? We accept the music that plays during meditation. But we expect phones to be turned off during a program.Ringtone of the phone will be as good as the background music that plays during meditation.We just need to create one thought – When 1000 people have gathered, I accept that at least one of their phones will ring during the program.But usually we say – I expect everyone’s phone to be silent.Our second thought will be – If someone’s phone rings, I will get disturbed.Third thought will be – That person is the reason for my disturbance.We have done such programming in the mind.Is it possible that everyone will keep their phone switched off? No.What is the solution?I accept that somebody’s phone might ring.Our mind gets disturbed not because of the ringtone of the phone. What causes the disturbance?Music cannot call disturbance to the mind.What causes our disturbance?Disturbance happens because the mind creates thoughts like – Why didn’t they put their phone on silent?The mind also says – They should have announced before the program began.Why can’t people understand? Why can’t they put their phone on silent in public programs? This has been a menace ever since mobile phones have arrived …The phone would have become silent by now. But the mind would still be going on.What was the cause of disturbance? Ringtone of the phone was good. The tune of thoughts in the mind was not good.Could the mind have created just one thought as – They did not put the phone on silent. It’s ok.Or as – They did not want to turn off the phone.
Is it ok that someone doesn’t want to turn off the phone even in public programs?Why is it not ok?We cannot impose our rights and wrongs on other people.We can only request them.I even have people who sit on the front row Not only does their phone ring, they also take the call.They even have a conversation and then put the phone down, as if nothing happened.It is fine because according to them, taking the call and talking to the other person was the right thing to do.They will not live their life according to our definition of rights.The sooner we accept that, the easier it is to be happy.They are going to speak even if we look at them and comment – Why couldn’t day turn it off? Don’t they understand? … We want them to behave according to our way. They are not puppets or computers. They are people, they are souls.Sometimes even computer does not work the way we want.They are souls, so they cannot be how someone else wants them to be.Are we ready to be according to other people?Will you obey me and wear white clothes from tomorrow? No.It is simple. Every soul will behave the way they think is right.We can certainly share our opinion.Thereafter we cannot expect them to accept our opinion.Because every soul will do what they feel is right.Before advising them, what energy should we give them?If we reject them with our energy and then give advice, there is very little chance for them to agree with us.For example the moment I create a thought – White is right.And the next line if I say – White is right for me.Third line if I say – All other colours are wrongIt means I have given all of you the energy that you are wrong.After that, there is no chance for any of you wearing a white dress.Most importantly you will comment about me – Your life is so boring. You always wear white. You have no taste …This is how we start thinking for each other.This is disrespect.We are living in the same house and working together. But foundation of that relationship is disrespect.Differences of opinion happen every day.Along with difference of opinion, if disrespect happens everyday Then nothing concrete will remain in the foundation of that relationship, because of disrespect. How many times in the day do we say that our children are wrong?If you prepare a list of the number of things for which you label them wrong The time they wake up is wrong, the time they go to sleep at night is wrong.The kind of clothes they want to wear is wrong. The food they like is wrong.They want to attend parties and that is wrongTheir friends are completely wrong.The time they want to return from parties is wrong.The speed at which they drive their vehicle is wrong.
The amount of time they spend on social media and chat is wrong.For almost everything we say to them – You are wrong.Finally what will their reply be?They tell us – You are wrong.Because the ball we throw at someone will come back to us.And then the child will create this thought for the parent – You are wrong.In this most beautiful relationship if the child believes that the parent is wrongThe child will stop listening to parents thereafter.Today many children say – As soon as I go home, my parents start lecturing.It’s better that I go home late. At least I will have less things to listen.Why do children find parents’ words or advise, troublesome?It is because the advice is right, but the energy with which it is given is not right. If I give you an expensive gift, for example, diamondSuppose I packed it beautifully in a velvet box.I spent a lot of money and bought it for you.And then if I just thrust in your hand saying – Take it.What will you do?You will not even open the gift. You will just keep it aside.But if someone else lovingly gave you just a rose costing 5 rupeesYou will carefully preserve it for a month.The gift does not matter. The energy with which it is given, matters.Likewise advice does not matter. Children know what is right. The energy with which advice is given, matters.The more we tell someone they are wrong, we are disrespecting them.
When we disrespect them, and they disrespect usHow will they accept our advice? And then we say generation gap is natural. It is not natural.It is just that every generation called the next generation as wrong.And that generation called their elders as wrong.Finally we said – We cannot understand each other. There is a gap.